I really wasn’t a huge fan of Guardians of the Galaxy when I went to see it in the cinema. I enjoyed it, kind of. It was more enjoyable than having a tooth removed, but maybe on par with sticking pins in my eyes (I’m kidding – the latter is so much more fun). I’m frankly a little unsure why I decided to buy the DVD, but it’s most likely because I was hoping it had improved – you know, like both The Pretty Reckless’ and Black Veil Brides’ new albums did after a time of not listening. Yet Guardians seems to have got…worse.
Guardians of the Galaxy is one of those films that has plenty of hype surrounding it…but deserves very little of it. It’s the film that gets cited as “The greatest Marvel film since…well, the last Marvel film!”. And that’s the same as every Marvel film before that. I’m beginning to think I don’t like Marvel films: The Avengers Assemble was alright, but by my 3rd viewing I couldn’t get past the first half hour. The first Iron Man was pretty dire, I never saw the second, but the third was quite good – don’t know if I’ll ever watch it again though. I’ve seen the first Captain America and nearly fell asleep; Thor was even worse and was put off after 15 minutes. Damn it Avengers, you gave me unrealistic expectations for the other films and I was sorely disappointed! I watched 2 episodes of the programme Arrow this morning, and the first five minutes were more entertaining and thrilling than Guardians could ever be.
I’m going to be honest and admit that the main reason I decided to see the film (because honestly, the trailer looked awful) was because of Karen Gillan. And can you blame me? I mean, she’s Karen Gillan! Unfortunately, even she couldn’t carry the film and I was more looking forward to the end than I was to seeing her. It was just so boring; when I watched it the other night, my expression barely changed from the look of boredom it maintained for pretty much the majority of the film. People claim this is a really funny film – well, then can someone point me in the direction of the humour? Because apparently I missed it. The only bit I found slightly amusing was when Peter Quill called Drax a thesaurus (I like my words), and then Rocket says that the metaphorical meaning will go right over his head, to which Drax replies:
“Nothing goes over my head, my reflexes are too fast. I’ll catch it.”
My facial muscles twitched slightly at that. Of course, they then proceeded to drag out how literal everyone was until about the end of the film – it was funny the first time, by the 5th…not so much. The acting and dialogue seemed awkward at times too; there were moments where someone would say something that was probably meant to get a reaction, or be funny, but was just met with total, deafening silence – it made me, just as someone watching it, cringe inwardly.
The main issue I have with this film is the characters. Not one of them is likeable in any way, but most of all I can’t stand Peter Quill – sorry, “Star Lord”. I don’t like his actor, which probably plays into that, but his character is too smug and irritating for me to feel anything other than a really strong urge to punch him. The green one annoys me too (and what the hell is up with that scene where the two of them nearly kiss? There was NO interaction beforehand to suggest any kind of attraction), and Drax…well, what’s his purpose, really? Oh, right, to get in contact with the evil blue one (the evil blue one working with the evil blue Karen Gillan, not the other evil blue one) and nearly get everybody killed. Yay, reasonable plot (if you can call it that)! Groot makes me angry for two reasons: 1. He’s a tree. 2. All he says is “I am Groot” and it is singlehandedly the worst and most used sentence in existence now – I’m pretty sure it’s probably beaten “I volunteer as tribute!”. And not forgetting Rocket, who is the only semi-amusing character in the entire film. There’s also the various ensemble of villains and side-characters who all seem to add very little to the plot, or lack thereof. I don’t think I could even try to sum up the plot of Guardians, because at the moment I still have no idea myself – when I work it out, I’ll get back to you.
There’s one redeeming feature of the entire film (and not just that it finally ends), and that’s the music. I don’t mean the “awesome mixtape” that everyone but me seems to love – no, the standout music of this film is the score by Tyler Bates. The score contains some really fantastic pieces, but my personal favourite is this one:
And when the main theme kicks in around the 1.30 mark, it puts a ridiculous smile on my face. I’ll happily sit and listen to the score for hours – it’s 10x more badass than the film could ever hope to be.
All in all, I was really unimpressed with Guardians of the Galaxy, and I find the Screen Junkies’ Honest Trailer of it to be pretty accurate:
Indeed, when he says “What you gonna do? Watch DC?” my answer would be a resounding yes: Christopher Nolan’s Batman films were some of the best superhero films I’ve ever seen (The Dark Knight Rises, however, was almost worse than this, so I’ll just exclude that), and although I’m only two episodes into Arrow I think it’s great.
I’m still looking forward to The Avengers: Age of Ultron, though, so hopefully Marvel can redeem themselves through that.